Chapter 34

I fell down Crying whilst Hamad was calming me down on the phone but I just couldn't hold myself I just kept crying ! But I had to hold myself for him , for his own sake.. For his health!
He closed the line after I told him that ill be fine , I promised him i won't cry but I sadly broke that promise !
I couldn't see the one I actually loved with all my heart dying without doing anything!!
Hours passed I was still crying but I knew that I had to do something !!

I called my grandfather crying out loud
.. I couldn't breath properly, my heart was pumping out of my chest, tears were coming down my cheeks like a river... No one will ever know How I felt! How misery got me, how I really loved him!!

....: aloo

Me: Yuba Hamad Hama-
I couldn't actually finish my sentence with all the crying and sobbing !!

I heard someone crying in the background.. Screaming like a maniac I knew that behind that cry's and scream's there was unpleasant news.. News that would make me die from the inside!
After my mother died , half of me died the other half belonged to him and only him!!

* grandfather talking in the background* : ed3i Ena Allah yr7mh 7beebti

I uncontrollably Shouted "NOO" and fell down crying.. I cried like a maniac that day and there was no one to calm me down .. I sat crying remembering every moment I spent with him, every tear I dropped that he wiped with his soft hand!
I remembered His eyes ,His smile , his Laugh, his Stupid Grin... How he believed me even though it was hard for anyone to actually believe me !
Maybe you'll think that I was exaggerating but I wasn't .. I cried not
Only because of him but because of everything going on in my life !

First my mother then him i was lost !
I didn't know who my brothers were anymore.. I didn't have my mother or my father with me the only person that I could completely trust in this state was Hamad and grandfather but now he is gone !
He left me alone when I didn't know who was actually a friend or an enemy!
We were going to get married, have a wedding that I always dreamed of,
Have 2 beautiful children.. Live the rest of our lives together forever !
I never had believed in love but once I saw him everything changed in my eyes !

I actually thought that the moment I get to unknown he would be by my side just holding into my hands not letting go!

I found myself setting in an airplane with Abdallah we were heading back to Riyadh !
My grandfather booked us the first flight to Riyadh.. Allah yr7mh Hamad was going to be buried in Riyadh in the land of his home where all his family were !
Just the thought of him makes me tear up! My so called brothers were too busy to come with me so Abdallah Came instead , he was so sweet to me.. I think he knows that me & Hamad were more than cousins , I actually think that everyone knows that now but I didn't care less all I cared about was Hamad Allah yr7mh!

I miss him so much , my life became even more dull after he and my mother Died. All I wanted was both of them here with me not letting go !

I rested my head on the food table or whatever it's called while tears came running down my cheek As I said
" يارب يا كريم اغفر له وثبته عند السؤال وأدخله الجنة "

Abdallah responded with " ameen " calming me down as he placed his hand on my shoulder, I laid my head on his shoulder crying that his shirt became wet and I fell asleep!

I suddenly opened my eyes once we landed as I heard Abdallah say those words I guessed that he was talking on the phone " I can't do This.. It's just- I can't " he said " I'm not falling for her .. Fine then ill do what you say " he continued I had no idea about what he was talking about so I just pretended to be asleep .. He woke me up a couple of minutes later !
We got out and got home where everyone were crying feeling as depressed as I felt .. My grandfather was surprised that A stranger came with me and not my brother well but I wasn't !

I hugged both Salma and Samar ( Salma and Samar were both hamad's sisters if you remember ! Salma was a year older than me and Samar was my age )

Three days of the funeral passed by every day was more depressing than the other .. Everything would remind me of him just simply everything !
After almost a week all of us stayed in Riyadh we also might be staying for Ramadhan but my school of course said that i Had to go take my tests So until now nothing is confirmed!

I decided to open my blackberry since I never opened it mn wgt ma Allah yr7ma twfa!

I opened it to see a message from him before he passed away that was so touching that made me die more from the inside !

Hamad : i know you weren't able to keep that promise so I forgive you !
If I didn't make it look under your bed, you'll find something i kept it there !
But if I do make it DO NOT look under the bed hahaha although I know you will anyway !

Hamad : one last thing I LOVE YOU ill always be with you ! Ed3i Ly don't cry Ana m7taj ld3a2k , Good bye !

I broke down crying in my room I never knew that his last goodbye would be like this .. I wanted to be next to him bs 8dar Allah w ma sha2 f3al .. El7amdallah!

I looked under the bed to see a wrapped gift with a paper that had this written on it :

" Hello beautiful !
If you are reading this it means I'm gone but not entirely gone ..ill always be in your heart!

When I found out that I might not survive I Made sure this got you , I wanted to make sure that you'll never forget me "

I smiled as I read the last part saying " how can I ever forget you ! You can never be forgotten"

I continued reading " I know I promised you to marry you to be there with you I'm just sorry I'm not
This ring was supposed to be your wedding ring , yes I am impatient I can't wait till the right day so I brought it early don't blame me .. I am crazy about you , you know!
So open the gift "
I stopped reading and started opening the small gift to find A beautiful wedding ring with pure diamonds , I continued reading the letter !

" I know it isn't the proper way but Will you marry me Seeta?"